New year...new commitment.

Hey, everyone.  I've emerged from my cave and I've decided the blog gets one last shot at life.  I will do this by posting once a week.  I'm thinking Sunday mornings, since I'm usually up at the crack of dawn while the rest of the house snoozes. And if I have to set reminders on my calendar to make sure the post gets done, that's what I'll do.

If this is going to be successful, it's going to be because of a routine.  You'll notice I didn't say anything about not having enough time.  I have time.  What I don't have right now is structure.

Routines helped me survive the years when my children were small and I was teaching full time.  By getting into a routine, the kids knew what to expect, and even better, my husband and I knew that week to week, we had things under control.

From doing grocery shopping on Friday nights to knowing Monday night we were having pizza for dinner, the predictability made our busy lives easier.  I do believe I need to get back to routines even though I don't have the little kids anymore.  When I slip into schedule chaos, I get nothing done.  I get frustrated and stressed, and right now, since there's a lot going on (family, work, school play, local RWA stuff, writing...) I need predictability.

So tonight we're having a sit down and we're going to figure out how to make life more manageable.  It can be done.  If I could do it when I had three children under the age of five, a full time job and a demanding graduate school program, I can certainly do it now.

So what about you?  How do you find time to write amid all the other things life throws at you?

50,000 words. 30 days. No problem.

As I look at the title of this post  I feel like screaming, "Liar, liar, pants on fire!"  Because I do have a problem.


Tomorrow I, along with tens of thousands of other writers, will embark on the month long writing sprint called NaNoWriMo, which stands for National Novel Writing Month.  Now that this particular brand of insanity has been named, let me tell you my plan for the month.


Here goes...


I have no plan.  Nope.  No plan.  Nothing.
Okay, I have a character list.  And I have character sketches.  And I have backstory.  However, the plot structure is weak, at best, and I have no doubt I will write myself into several corners over the course of the month.


So why am I doing this?  That is easy.  Even if I'm not writing my best work for the entire month, if I come out of it with 50,000 words, I have 50,000 words I can work with.   Additionally, there is the community, the bond, the knowledge that I'm doing something hard and that other people are struggling and fighting for every word the same way I am. I did Nano last year and reached my 50K word goal.  The book is pretty much done and would have been finished sooner, but my big revision threw off my time table.  I'm editing last year's Nano novel now and I'm ready to start another.
So, while I may not have a real plot going into tomorrow, I do have a loose plan.


1. Stock up on coffee.


2. Plan to write at lunch.  That's 40 minutes every day to write.


3. I'm giving myself permission to write crap.


4. I'm going to seek out encouragement from others.


The last one is big for me and exciting.  I wrote on my own last year.  This year, I have buddies.  People who will encourage me when I'm procrastinating or doubting myself.  The writing network I often blog about is heading to Nano in November.


We're in this together and that's pretty awe inspiring.  So how about you?  Are you jumping into the Nano pool?  Ready to write 1700 words a day? Come on in; there are a lot of us here and we'll keep you from going under.

Words to Live By

I'll write more for my weekly post, but this quote is perfect today:

"Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat. " 

~F. Scott Fitzgerald

Everyone have a great weekend.

Too Much Information?

Image from The Digerati Life

It's no secret that I have a book on submission.  Maybe it should be.  Perhaps I should have guarded it like a state secret, but I couldn't.  The reason I'm wondering if I did the right thing is because now my failure will be as public as my triumph.  Do I want the whole world to know if my book doesn't make it?

The point is, it's tempting to tell all when you are hooked into social networking.  It's a necessity in this day and age to show you have a web presence and that you are conscious of publishing as a business that will require you to do your fair share of book promotion.  But with all this connectedness, we risk a lot of ourselves out there in cyberspace and I wonder if this is a good thing.  

My previous post was about how writers supported other writers.  Most of the people who were telling me to keep going after that last rejection were people I met online--other writers who were looking to connect with their own kind, who were looking for support.  I've had friends jump in and offer encouragement and people I never would have expected are rooting for my success.

So, should I have put myself on the line like I did?  Is is okay that anyone linked to me by a mouse click knows my writing fate?  Maybe not, but if the trade off for that means I get to know more people like me who are working toward perfecting that book and getting "the call," or I get to see the positive, generous side of so many others, then it's all worth it.

So what do you think?  Too much, too little or just right?

Writers Helping Writers

As I hinted at in a previous post, I got hit with a rejection not too long ago that stung.  When a full manuscript gets rejected it always hurts more than the partial.  With a partial you can always say the reader didn't get to the good parts, but with a full, it's final and no matter how kind the agent's words, there's no way to avoid the burn.

The thing about this business is it turns on a dime, and after sending out  a new batch of queries just one night after getting the rejection, I received a positive response early the next morning.  Yes, less than twelve hours after sending the query, a full was speeding through cyberspace.  I don't want to jinx anything, but my reality this week is very different than my reality last week.  And it is good.

However, what I want to write about is what got me through the initial burst of disappointment. This writing business is brutal on the ego.  Tougher people than me have packed it in.  But I find I can keep going as long as I don't feel alone.

That's really the key.

Through different online outlets like blogs, Facebook and Twitter, I've met some amazing writers.  I'm also a member of two local writing groups that offer tremendous support and camaraderie.  Whether online or in person, these are people who are going through the same battles I am.  We're writing and submitting and dealing with rejections. Or maybe we're doubting whether what we write is good enough to be seen. When the rejection came, I reached out for a hand, for some sympathy, for some advice and it came back in droves. I was able to put the rejection in perspective and move on, but I was only able to do it because of some women with very big hearts.

I've always found the writing community to be a pay-it-forward kind of place. I was on the receiving end of that last week.  I can only hope that I have to opportunity to do the same for someone when they need the help or encouragement to keep going.  Because when we stick together and weather the storms with others, reaching that finish line is not only easier, there are more people to celebrate the success.

How do you feel less alone?  Has someone reached out and helped or encouraged you?

Roller coaster ride

Writing has it's ups and downs, and to borrow on a tired cliche, that whole "one door closing and another one opening" thing is totally true.  I'm not in the position to be more specific than that, but I will say that if the events of the past few days keep moving in the direction they have, I will indeed believe that perseverance and timing have made all the difference for me in the publishing business.  Keep your fingers crossed.


“Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.” John Qunicy Adams

Letting the Work Speak for Itself.

In my case, being a parent has helped me with my writing.  Not everyone can say that, but I can.  I especially feel that having children who are nearly adults has given me great preparation.  You see, slowly but surely I've had to let my kids go.  They've gone to school, on dates, they've driven cars and two of the three have gone away to college while number three waits on deck.

So sending off a book should be no problem, right?  I mean I've sent my flesh and blood children into the world, so the book should be easy.  It's just a book, right?  Wrong.

Over the past two days, as I sent my work into the void, I was a nervous wreck, and I knew I had to calm down. The book I recently finished revising is not only back with the publisher who gave me such incredible input, but it was requested by an amazing agent in NYC. (Did you all hear me squeal from coast to coast?) If I should be signed by this woman, I would consider myself incredibly lucky and I'd know my career would be in good hands.  So why was I having a meltdown?

Simple. I had to let go.

Just like parenting, I have to let my work stand on it's own and accept the loss of control.  The book is really good, but there are no more training wheels, no more safety nets--the book, my literary baby, is going to succeed or fail on its own.  And it's hard to face that.  However, just like my children, I need to believe in what I've done and have faith that I've crafted a good story.

Of course, I'm scared to death, because I've been down this road before and the possibility of rejection is very real.

But it's also rewarding to know I took the step, that I made the attempt and that I was brave enough to let go.

It's the only way to move forward and as writers that's what we need to do.  What are you doing to move forward?

Website

I've parked a website.

I always felt a little funny about having a website to promote my writing when I'm not yet published.  It's not going to lead an editor or agent to my door and I honestly feel if I don't have something to promote, why put myself out there.

It seems this is my old "don't notice me" self coming back to haunt my life.  However, in the present, information-rich climate it's more important than ever to be visible.  So, even though I'm still tweaking it a little, here is my website.  It links to my Twitter, my blog, and my Facebook page (which you can also find here) and I hope to add more content as time goes on.

Please visit and please tell me what you think.

www.jeanniemoon.com

Back to the revision.  I think this may end soon.  I hope.

Writing From Real Life

So, the joke goes something like this: “Be careful, or I’ll put you in my novel.”  People laugh when I say it, but I have to admit, there is a smidgen of truth to the joke.  Oh, don’t worry; when I finally break into publishing, no one is going to have to worry about me turning them into some dreadful villain in a novel, fully recognizable to all.  That would be wrong on a lot of levels, but the reality is our lives and our personalities seep into what we write.  Every experience, every person, is part of who we are, and inevitably these things wind up on the page.

We collect experiences.  That’s what life is. Our bodies and minds become vessels that catch laughter, tears, frustration, and joy.  Our parents, our siblings, our teachers and our friends are in there, along with the mean girls, the bullies, and the negativity they bring with them.  They bad stuff fights for control and sometimes, it wins.  That happens to me.  I let the bad overshadow the good; it’s one of my biggest faults and what usually happens is it takes something or someone to give me a good kick to get my mind, and my attitude, on the right track.

I wrote a short post at the beginning of the week about my recently-held class reunion.  A couple of things that happened over the course of the weekend really upset me.  I tend to be oversensitive, I know that, but usually some time and space allow my feelings to settle.  When I had time to process, I was able to put the weekend in perspective and while there is no doubt there are a couple of people I would be happy never to see again, the vast majority of it was really great.  I went to school with some unbelievably nice people. The work the organizers of the reunion did was truly appreciated and when I look back at the pictures, the smiles tell me we did a really good job.  And even though I didn't have as much fun as I could have had, the pictures don’t lie.  I did enjoy myself, and I was really glad to see my friends.  It had been too long, but it will not be that long again.

So the question is--who’s going in a book?  What experiences have I collected this time?  For those of you who thought I had too many cosmos to remember, you’re wrong. (HA!) Here’s what I have so far:

The high-school sweethearts:  I can relate to them as I have been with my husband since we were seventeen-years-old, but I think this couple has been together even longer.  She’s still beautiful, he’s still handsome and even though there were no overt displays, you can tell they are totally devoted to each other.  There were little things--mentions of what they’ve done together, their obvious pride in their children, the mutual respect they share and then there’s the way they look at each other.  I don’t know if anyone else noticed, but I did and it warmed me to see a love story still going strong after all these years.

The long-time friends:  These women have known each other since middle school, in many cases, and they’ve been through everything together--love and heartbreak; marriage and divorce; birth and death.  Their relationships aren’t perfect, but they have a deep bond that has developed over time.   There were several groups that fit into this category.  I got to know one bunch a little better as we were planning the party and the dynamic is amazing.  I’m a little envious because this isn’t my experience, and I know I’m not going to be a part of it, but it’s nice to know friendships like this are out there.

The happy guy:  He’s still happy.  Everyone still loves him and with good reason.  He sees the best in everyone.  He’s kind, has a big heart and drives a really cool truck.  When he tells you you’re awesome,  he means it.  He’s definitely going in a book. 

The really brilliant guy:  He sat near me in AP European History class all those years ago and we laughed together as our teacher talked about his dog, Tiger.  This guy has an Ivy League education, but he doesn’t have a pretentious bone in his body—he never did and he never will; he’s still friendly, still enthusiastic about everything and I hope I don’t lose touch with him again.

People I wish I'd known better in high school:  There was a woman I spent some time with whom I've been in touch with through the planning process.  We had breakfast together when she got into town and two hours flew by like it was nothing.  She's sweet, witty and has had an interesting life. New friendships are always good. (Honestly, there are a number of people who fall into this category.)

The cool gay guys:  I don’t think I have to say anything else.  What’s better than being happy with who you are?

Finally, the mean girls:  Believe it or not, the mean girls are easy. (Noooo, not that kind of easy. Well maybe they were, but that's not what I meant.)  They’ve always been vapid caricatures, and that’s what they’ll remain.  Thanks for the material ladies…you make writing a bitch a no-brainer.

I guess, when you think about it, it's not about what's going to go in a book, but instead I should be asking the question--what isn't?  There is no way I can detach myself from my life experiences.  Why would I want to?  I need the people and the emotions to keep my writing interesting.  The words on the page are just black and white, but my experiences, and the people I've known over the years, give the stories color.

Looking Back, Looking Forward: High School Reunions

A few months ago I wrote about how I'd gotten myself  involved in the planning of my high school reunion.  In the post I talked about wrinkles and weight and face creams and I touched on my insecurities.  I vowed to get to the gym and lose some weight.  I didn't lose much, the reunion is two weeks away and I find that my outlook has changed quite a bit.  It's not so much about how I look anymore, but more about all I missed.

When I wrote that post, I had no idea the kind of flashback it would trigger.  To say I was insecure during my teen years would be an understatement.  I had a small group of friends, didn't go out much and participated in very few activities.  Granted, my friends are great people and we had some fun times, but I was always guarded and I didn't take any risks.  I didn't get involved in many aspects of high school because I was afraid of being rejected.  Parties, I didn't go.  Talk to the 'popular' girls?  Why would they want to be friends with me?  Flirt with the boy I'd had a crush on forever?  Never.  I could go into why I felt this way, frankly it had a lot to do with how I grew up, but the bottom line was, I had no faith in myself; I was afraid.  I felt invisible and life went on around me.

Jump forward thirty years.  I carry more than the twenty extra pounds I had in high school, but I have a lot to be proud of...I have a wonderful family and a fulfilling career, for starters.  You see, when I went to college I reinvented myself.  I explored my talents, found my place in space, took risks, and was burned on more than one occasion.  In other words, I grew up.  Yet when the reunion planning picked up speed, and I thought about how invisible I felt in high school, all my old insecurities flooded back.  I kept thinking that I should forget about being a part of the planning and fade back into the woodwork.  Outside my small circle, very few people even remembered me, right?  Wrong.

I love learning new things, but I'm even happier when I learn more about myself.  Because I've gotten involved in this event, I've discovered something...I could have felt much more connected to my high school years if I'd let more people get to know me.  If I'd found my niche, been a part of something consistently rather than haphazardly, I'd have changed my story.  I didn't have to feel invisible.  Working on the reunion has brought me a lot of satisfaction and has connected me to people I never would have gotten to know otherwise.  I'm looking forward to seeing my old friends that weekend and getting to know some new friends a little better.

People malign their high school years and I often think it's more about regrets than anything else.  Maybe I'm romanticizing this more than I should, but if you could change something about your years in high school, what would it be?

Where the Magic Happens

I’ve been spending a lot of time in my office lately.  As many people know, I was lucky enough to receive a letter from an editor that outlines some areas and changes that she feels would make the plot of my book stronger.  I was invited to resubmit if I chose to make the changes.  I thought about the letter for a few days and decided to work with her suggestions.  There would be little disruption to the core of the story, I would have to rewrite the last chapter, but again, the outcome for my main characters remains unchanged, even if I tweak the plot. I had nothing to lose and a sale to gain.  

So, since I’ve been pretty much living in my writing space, I thought I’d share some pictures.  I’m a firm believer in having a space to work.  If you don’t have the luxury of a room like I have (albeit a tiny 10 x 10 converted bedroom) lay claim to some space so people in your house know that when you are there, with a computer, you are writing.  It's good for you as a writer and it's good for your family.  For the record, I rarely close the office door.  My family has full access to me most of the time, my kids are in and out of the office all day long, but they know how important this project is to me, so they respect my space.  

With my DH’s help, I have quite a pretty little office.  We painted the room this deep teal two years ago.  I wasn't sure about it for a long while, but it's grown on me and now I find it quite soothing.

This is my desk.  Yes, there are two computers.  Originally, my husband and I were going to share the space. He gave up, the dear man,  and either gets all his paperwork done at the office or uses his laptop.

Coffee is required.  I love the mug I bought from Cafe Press.

This is the comfy chair I just added to the space.  The binder you see open on the ottoman contains my manuscript.  There are hundreds of Post-its marking the parts to be revised.  I'm not done yet.  The little table has my Kindle, my notebooks, a glass of water, some copies of RWR and a basket of necessities.

The basket: it contains Post-its, colored pens and highlighters, my iPod, binder clips and a spare pair of glasses.  Usually there are a few pieces of chocolate, too.

I suppose the point I'm trying to make with this post is that no matter what you do, whatever your passion, make a space for yourself and give yourself time to pursue it.  You don't have to cut out the ones you love, or ignore the world, you don't even need a separate room, but try to find a space that allows you to enter your creative zone and visit it every day.  You deserve it.

Tell me about your creative space.  Is it working?  Is it not working?  What would you change if you could?

Rogues and Scoundrels (Or this is not your mama's bodice ripper.)

It’s not a secret that I read romance.  I write it and I’ve loved the genre for years.  Even as a child, I was drawn to love stories and the happily ever after. My favorite book growing up was a version of Cinderella, from the original fairy tale by Perrault, that was translated and illustrated by Marcia Brown.  It was a beautiful book, but more than the award winning illustrations, I was drawn to the story.  I believed in finding Prince Charming.  So years later—me and romance—it was a perfect fit.

I fancied myself a contemporary romance reader, especially when I really started devouring the books in the late 1990’s.  Sometimes I threw in romantic suspense, but I never read historical.  I’d tried.  I wasn’t drawn in by Kathleen Woodwiss or Victoria Holt.  I knew what they meant to the genre, but the books weren’t for me.  I was pushed away by the stereotype.  You know the one--the book with a long-haired, shirtless rogue staring hungrily at a maiden in a low-cut gown.  I never felt like I could be the cowering maiden in the picture, so I didn't read about her.  Instead, I learned to love the genre reading Nora Roberts, Susan Elizabeth Phillips and Barbara Delinsky.  Modern women, modern sensibilities.  Historical and regency romances were not for me…until now.

I’d been seeing these names pop up—Tessa Dare, Courtney Milan and Victoria Dahl.  I heard their books were fabulous with great writing, heroes to die for and heroines that knew their own minds.   I was not disappointed.  I started my new secret love affair with One Dance with a Duke, by Tessa Dare. Plain Amelia is blessed with a great mind, but she’s a spinster who one night is swept off her feet at a ball and ultimately has to marry to save her reputation and her family.  It may seem like Spencer, the aforementioned Duke, has all the power in the relationship, but don’t be fooled.  Amelia is smart and knows what she wants and she wants Spencer.  (Hold onto your wonder bras, these books will have you running for a cold shower!) There are the usual complications…the lack of faith in each other, the inability to completely commit, the lies and misunderstandings, but in the end I got my sweeping love story and a happily ever after.

So what was different about these books? I think what I found in all the books was a commitment to the heroine.  The stories belonged to them and ultimately they had control over their fate.  Oh, there may have been a marriage of convenience or the saving of one’s honor, but unlike the romances of the past, the women in these historicals had choice and it was this modern twist that converted me.

There are the requisite heaving bosoms, bare chested men on horseback and in one the hero had been a privateer, which means he was, kind of, a pirate.  (Don’t laugh; the book was awesome!) There are gowns and governesses, breeches and boots, waistcoats and afternoon tea.  The settings are sumptuous, meticulously researched and fun.

I have four still unread books in my Kindle and I’m saving them for an afternoon when I need a break from reality.  Because honestly, is there anything better than a gorgeous rogue on horseback to take your mind off the everyday? I think not.

Of course, I have some recommendations.  Give these books a try; you won’t be sorry:

Tessa Dare

Stud Club Trilogy

One Dance with a Duke

Twice Tempted by a Rogue

Three Nights with a Scoundrel (available next month)

First Trilogy

Goddess of the Hunt

Surrender of a Siren

A Lady of Pursuasion

Courtney Milan

Proof by Seduction

Victoria Dahl has a number of good books, check her out at:

 http://www.victoriadahl.com/

Endings and Beginnings

The last day of school is a call to celebrate for me.  Not because I have two months off, but because now I can work on my books.  Summer is my writing time.  Yes, I will go to the beach, spend time with family and friends, read my fill and sleep a little later, but more than anything I will write.

I'm still waiting for my revision letter; I have a book to finish and I have another book that may have some rewrite potential.  I have a fourth book cooking in the back of my mind and I need to start researching that one very soon.  The stories are all in there and I can't wait to get things on the page.

How do you spend your summer?  Do things change for you?  Does the pace slow?  Do you have something special that you like to do?

The way I see it, the school year is ending, but the work is just beginning.

Getting back to my roots.

I went to college and was trained as a journalist. I loved my time as a reporter and even though I never went past the local and collegiate level, I felt I learned my craft. It was something I was good at. It came naturally to me and leaving it wasn't easy. But when it came right down to it, I was born to teach and I wanted a life.

However, my writing has not only given me an outlet for my stories it's given me a chance to be the person I used to be. I'm going out on an interview today. I'm plotting a new book and I've gotten in touch with a great source and we're having lunch. I'm looking forward to the conversation, to learning about this woman, and I'm eager to hear what she has to say about my topic. Later I'll take a look at what we talked about and figure out how I might be able to take my information and build something with it.

When I get back to the person I used to be, before the frustrations of teaching, before my husband and kids, I feel like I find a missing piece of myself. I love my family and I know I do good work, and I don't regret any of the decisions I've made, but it's nice to find that at this point in my life, my writing has allowed me to be all things. I can be the teacher, the mom, the wife and on occasion, the journalist. I can enjoy the utter shock on people's faces when I tell them I write romance, and I like knowing they see me differently when they know this. When I finally get published, that will be a whole new rush.

Damn, this is fun.

Rules for Writers(and wannabes)

One item that is always on my desk is a copy of Diana Hacker's book, Rules for Writers.  I just bought myself the sixth edition of the book after using my old one to death.  The book is a must have for teachers, librarians, students and anyone who decides to play with words.  It's full of information on grammar, punctuation, usage, research...anything technical you'd want to know.  What it doesn't have is how to deal with the problems that come along when you want to be a professional writer. (I do think the title is a tad misleading, don't you?)  There are no rules for wannabes, so I figured I'd take a crack at it.

Rule #1:  Realize from the outset that the road to publication is bumpy.  Bumpy? That's an understatement.  If you're like me you have a full time job.  And a family. And a house.  And no matter how much your family says they will support your endeavor, they still need you, so interruptions will never go away.  The job?  Well, eating is good.  Paying the bills is good.  I need my job even if I would rather spend my days working toward becoming a published novelist and the reality is that even after I get published, I'm  keeping the job. At least for a while.  So the short version of this rule is this:  many things will get in the way of your writing; you have to deal with it.

Rule #2:  Your friends and family will think your first completed work is amazing.  Many will think this even if it sucks.  Do you know why?  Because you wrote a book.  For most people writing more than ten pages of anything is a feat.   If you've written 300 hundred pages of story, even if it's the most ridiculous drivel, they'll tell you that you are the second coming of Dickens.  Keep their praise in perspective.  They love you and want you to be happy, so try to find people who are more objective to evaluate your work.  It's fine to get opinions from friends,  and yes, they can be valuable, (I've gotten some great feedback from friends) but also get opinions that are constructive, that are technical and that may require you to rethink your story.

Rule #3:  Getting an agent is harder than writing a book.  I mean this.  It's hell.  If you thought getting through the sagging middle of your story was tough, getting an agent makes writing a full length novel feel like child's play.  Oh, the agents try to make you feel like you're the one in control here.  The rejection  letters and e-mails come back with things like "I'm afraid I'm going to have to take a pass"  or "I'm not the right person for this" or "You deserve someone who will totally commit to this project."   When you break down agent speak these mean,  "I don't think your project will sell."  Publishing is a business and agents are supposed to sell books to make money for you and for themselves.  If an agent doesn't think a book will sell she will not accept you because you turn a pretty phrase.  There are always stories of people who found the agent of their dreams and sold their first book in record time.  Those people are the exception, not the rule.  Be prepared for rejections.  Lots of them.

Rule #4:  Trends do sell and while everyone always says to write the book of your heart, people buy trends.  One thing in particular is bothering the hell out of me, and it has to do with the YA market.  So I will say this: don't try to write for the Young Adult market unless you have a YA voice.  Where did this come from?  YA lit is hot.  Ever since Stephanie Meyer birthed the Twilight series full-grown from her dreams, YA  has surged.  Some agents only want YA authors.  However, I can tell you as a high school librarian, not everyone is cut out to write YA.  I've read more junk in the past two years than I care to tell you about.  I've also read some really good work.  You need to have a strong teen voice, so no matter how hot the trend is, no matter how much you think you should do this, be honest with yourself.  Don't write YA because you see it as a way to sell a book.  Write YA because that is what you were meant to do.

That honesty thing goes for everyone. If you write to a trend, any trend, that's fine, but make sure you are writing honestly.  Agents, editors, and readers will thank you for it.

Rule #5:  Your ego will be battered. You will feel like a failure.  There's no way around this.  But if you really want to be a writer, don't give up.  Don't ever give up. Just remember your three "R's":   Rethink, rewrite, resubmit.

I have a query letter that is failing me miserably.  It's time to rip it apart and start over.  I have my books, my ideas and my nerve all ready to go.  Wish me luck.

The Flashing Cursor

I have this idea in my head, but I’m having trouble getting things down on paper. So I spent the last two hours staring at a flashing cursor and writing things in my notebook.  I have character names, ages, and professions.  I’m having trouble with the location, but I think I’m staying local in this one—it will cut down on my research.

But I am considering a big change.  My unsold manuscripts, the one I’m shopping now and the one that almost made it, were contemporary single titles.   One is 110,000 words and one is 95,000 words.   The stories are complex, multi-layered, have a good group of characters and are getting me nowhere.  So I’m wondering if I have to bite the bullet and write for the category market.  My word count would drop some, my stories would be more focused and I might actually have a chance to sell. 

The problem is I don’t know if I can do it.  I’ve made it a point to start reading more 'traditional' romances.  Sorry lit snobs, no bodice rippers.  Instead of my usual fare of Luanne Rice, Kristin Hannah and Susan Wiggs, I’ve been devouring Kristan Higgins (love her books), Jennifer Crusie, and Susan Mallery. They write well, their characters are vivid and the stories are fun and well-crafted. The books tend to be a little shorter, have fewer sub-plots and fewer characters.  They write straight romance and they are funny.  Really funny.  And I don’t know if I can be funny.  Damn.

You want an abusive ex-husband?  Done.    An orphaned kid? I can do that.  A stalker?  I’m your girl.    But I don’t know if I can write humor. 

The flashing cursor awaits.  I have the idea, and a general sense of how I should proceed.  I’ve even mapped out a simple plot skeleton, which I never do, to keep me on track.  I’ve eliminated extraneous tragedies, and I’ve basically decided that the female main character has only one enemy in her quest to find true love—herself. 

Kind of like me in my quest to be published.   Damn.

    

Age

I’m not a big shopper, but I do like nice things and once and a while I treat myself to a pretty bag or a pair of designer sunglasses.   I don’t like paying full price, so I shop sales and I get alerts from some great off-price websites. My favorite is RueLaLa.  If you don’t know about RueLaLa, let me know and I will fill you in, but the short version is I will find beautiful, designer items at their two day boutiques that I can actually afford. (Two kids in college, need I say more)  I love when Rue has a Vera Bradley boutique, or when Kate Spade comes up for sale and I’ve gotten my daughters some beautiful clothes.

However, today was an eye opener for me and a wake-up call that I was indeed getting older. Rue has an expensive skin care line in one of their boutiques today. You know, creams and lotions and cleansers.   Anti-aging products and make-up designed to fix our flaws.  It was all there.  It was pricey stuff and I could get items at good prices.  And I got excited.  Really excited. 

I got excited over moisturizer.   Oh. My. God.

So the question is: why?  Why am I excited at the prospect of getting some expensive remedy for my crow’s feet?  And the answer is simple: I’m fighting the aging process with everything I have.  I have no problem with getting older as long as I don’t look older. I sincerely doubt I’d have actual surgery, that’s just me, but I'm not above using other methods to keep my skin looking young.

What else am I doing? I’m going out in a little while to join a gym.   I want to lose some weight and feel fit.  I’m healthy and I want to stay that way.  And if any of you actually believed all that, I have a bridge to sell.  You want to know my biggest motivator?  My 30^th high school reunion is coming up this summer and while I have no delusions that I will be slipping into a single digit dress size any time soon, I would like to look better before I face these people.   I’m vain.  That’s it. The fitness and the health are nice side benefits, but I don’t want to be embarrassed.  And the thing is, I don’t know why I care.  I haven’t seen most of these people in thirty years.   I have a long list of accomplishments, both personal and professional and that should tell people who I am.  But yet I worry and I think so much of it is tied to the insecurity I felt when I was in high school.  I wasn’t bold, I wasn’t brave and I worried all the time about what people thought. 

We've forgetten how we felt when we were seventeen, but I have a feeling those memories are rushing back for a lot of people right now.  Maybe it’s not a bad thing.  If it gets me to exercise, I know I will feel better.  I’ll be able to climb the hills where my daughter goes to college and not feel winded.  My surgically repaired knee won’t give me trouble and guess what—I won’t just have to limit my purchases to bags and sunglasses and skin creams on my favorite sale sites.  Maybe I could buy a dress, or a pretty sweater or a belt.  Wouldn’t that be lovely?

It’s possible I could change how I look and still worry.  Wrinkles, dress sizes? It might not matter.  I might still be an insecure mess where high school is concerned.  But for now, I'll let the insecurity motivate me. It’s not hurting anyone and in the long run it will help me.   

What did I buy today?  Make-up.  It made me happy and it made me realize that some of the things we experience when we're young never go away.  They go dormant and sneak up on us when we least expect it.     I will never look seventeen again.  I will never look like my yearbook picture, but then again neither will anyone else. 

Maybe this all means that I'm still a work in progress.  I'm not done growing or changing. So it's possible the insecurity I'm feeling is a good thing if it pushes me to better myself and deal with some of the demons. There are times in our lives that we have these personal epiphanies. Something triggers self-awareness.  The birth of a child, the death of someone important or facing your past can bring on a sense of understanding about who you are and who you want to be.

For the most part, I'm happy with the person I am. I have a wonderful husband, great kids, good friends and I do good work that I care about. Not a bad lot in life, even with some extra pounds and wrinkles. The challenge now is to embrace how I got here and accept the fact that I still have a way to go.  Don't we all?

I'm still joining the gym.